3 am
by teethlikedog
Summary: Sometimes you can help, sometimes you can only be there. Sometimes it's the same thing. [DieKaine]


Three short scenes, expanding on things suggested by the manga. The first is set before Endorphins became famous, the second at the height of their popularity, and the third just after the events of canon. Warning: may contain vagueness, melodrama and ambiguous relationships. And nuts.

* * *

_**3 a.m.**_

Kaine arrives at three a.m.

There's blood on his face and in his mouth, and one of his eyes will be black tomorrow. When Die asks him what happened, he laughs.

"You should see the other guy," he says, and advises Die never to pick a bar fight with someone twice his size. Die laughs too; tosses him a wet cloth to clean off his face and a cold beer to take the taste out of his mouth. He doesn't question the explanation, doesn't point out that the bars all closed hours ago and that for once Kaine _doesn't_ look, sound or smell like he's been drinking.

He doesn't ask why Kaine came to _his _apartment instead of going back to his own.

Instead, he gets a beer for himself and the two of them sit there for a while, not saying much. Die doesn't know if Kaine would rather be alone right now, but he'd rather not let him be, not right at the moment. Eventually, though, Kaine's head starts nodding and Die's yawns are threatening to overwhelm him. He doesn't bother asking whether Kaine is staying, simply gathers an armful of blankets and pillows and dumps them on the couch without a word; the look Kaine gives him would be pitifully grateful, if it wasn't laced with self-mockery.

Clothes are needed too, because Kaine can't sleep in jeans, and Die surreptitiously watches him pull off his shirt. Nobody ever got marked like that in a bar fight - cigarette burns and finger-shaped bruises and scattered bite marks across his shoulders. But that's none of Die's business, and Kaine would tell him so if he asked. And he doesn't want to risk making Kaine angry, because then he might walk out and he wouldn't have come here in the first place if he hadn't felt he needed to. There are lots of things he never asks Kaine, for much the same reason.

Die yawns again, stretches, and asks if there's anything else Kaine wants; he gets a lecherous grin in return for _that_ slip.

A while later he's lying in bed, wondering why he can't sleep, and whether Kaine's awake too; trying not to think about Kaine's bare, bruised skin. Sometimes, he thinks that Kaine really needs his help - more than just a couch to sleep on occasionally. But that's something else he wouldn't ask. Kaine's pride will only let him accept help as long as it's never acknowledged that he needs it. If Die ever suggested that he _does_, he wouldn't come here next time he needed to. And Die doesn't like the thought of him not coming back, of being without even the little help he reluctantly allows Die to give him.

Kaine has a lot more money, lately.

---

Kaine calls at three a.m.

It's pills this time, washed down with vodka. Triple distilled, he informs Die, then starts giggling.

"I'm coming over," Die tells him. "Don't go to sleep. I'll be there as quick as I can - just stay awake."

"Die?" His voice is a plaintive murmur. "Will you miss me when I'm dead?"

"I'm coming over," says Die again, and hangs up the phone.

There's a number that Oda gave him for when this happens, because he can't just take Endorphins' lead singer to the emergency room with an overdose or slashed wrists. With the media frenzy over their fans' suicide attempts, more publicity is the last thing they need right now. The doctor is capable, discreet and doesn't object to making house calls in the middle of the night. His services are expensive, but that's the price you pay for discretion. Die has him on speed dial; the doctor greets him by name and doesn't ask what the problem is, just says that he'll see Die at Kaine's apartment.

Speeding along the city streets, Die runs half a dozen red lights and hates Kaine for doing this again, for once again making Die responsible for his continued existence. He never says it outright, but he means the same thing every time: _save me from myself or you're killing me_. More than once, Die has thought that it would serve Kaine right if he _didn't_ save him, but he knows he could never do that, because if it came down to it he doesn't think Kaine would be capable of saving himself. And a part of him is relieved when he gets these calls; at least they mean that Kaine hasn't given up on being alive just yet.

The thing is, Die knows that if Kaine _did_ give up, he wouldn't be able to save him. The day Kaine decides that he really wants to die, there'll be no phone call, and Die won't know about it until it's far too late. That thought is terrifying, and no matter how angry he is at Kaine, Die has to be glad he called.

When he arrives the apartment door is ajar. Kaine mumbles a few abusive endearments as Die drags him off the floor, walks him around and talks to him, yells at him, forces him awake until the doctor arrives.

Watching someone have their stomach pumped out is never pleasant, and Die is somewhat relieved when he's sent out of the room by the doctor's assistant, a pretty nurse.

Around sunrise the doctor leaves with the suggestion that Die should go home and get some sleep, but Die's not going anywhere right now. The pretty nurse checks the equipment, then smiles kindly at Die and sits down by the far wall with a book. Die slumps in a chair by the bed, listening to the regular beep of the monitor Kaine's hooked to and trying not to fall asleep, just in case.

This is the fourth time in as many months.

---

Kaine wakes at three a.m.

He rises gasping from some nightmare, disoriented and afraid. Die wakes with him, moving from his chair to sit on the edge of the bed, reassuring Kaine that it was just a dream. Not real, not real, Die reminds him, fingers gently sifting through cropped hair, careful not to disturb the bandages. The words are soothing, the touch more so, and soon he sees the fear receding in Kaine's eyes as the dream fragments, losing its power.

Nightmares are never far from Kaine's sleeping mind these days. The doctors say they will fade with time and care, like scars on skin, the emotional aftermath of all he's experienced, all he's so desperately tried to forget. For now, though, the dreams are devoted attendants, seemingly unwilling to leave Kaine's side for even a single night. Leaving the hospital will help, Die thinks, though Kaine can't go back to his apartment; that place holds too many bad memories to be healthy. He'll need to find someplace new, and until then he can stay with Die. It's not as if he isn't used to taking care of Kaine, after all.

Kaine shifts against him, a signal that he wants space, and Die gives it to him. He doesn't return to his seat immediately, though, but watches as Kaine lies back against the pillow, arranging himself comfortably. His eyes close and he murmurs something inaudible.

"Huh?"

The eyes open, exasperated at Die's apparent stupidity.

"I said thank you. Don't make me say it again."

Die grins.

"I already told you, you can buy me a drink."

Kaine shrugs, turns on his side and shuts his eyes once more; the conversation is over. Die smiles to himself as he goes back to the chair to resume his vigil. That's the second time Kaine has thanked him. He doesn't know if he'll ever get used to it.

He's having to get used to a lot of things these days. Like the fact that Kaine will never be quite the same again, the fact that _they_ will never be the same again. Die doesn't know if this is good or bad, this change that's come between them, this thing that's something like disorientation and something like revelation. Confusing, yes, bewildering and strange, that Kaine has finally stopped lying, has stopped trying to make Die hate him. Has realised, maybe, that it was never necessary, because Die could never forget him, would never abandon him.

Confusing, but in the end good, Die thinks. He's not at all sure where things will go from here, but he wants to find out, and the thought makes his gaze instinctively shift to the figure curled in the bed. When Kaine is released they'll go home. And then, well, maybe they can help each other.

In his sleep, Kaine smiles.


End file.
